Holidays are meant to be a joyful, relaxing time—but for children of divorced or separated parents, they can also bring stress, confusion, or emotional tension. That’s why it’s so important to put the children’s needs at the heart of any holiday planning. So, what really is best for the kids?
1. Consistency & Predictability
Children thrive on routine, especially after big changes like divorce. When it comes to holidays, having a clear and consistent plan gives them a sense of stability and something to look forward to. Whether you alternate holidays each year, split the holiday itself, or create new traditions, the key is to make the plan predictable and fair.
Tip: Share the plan early and stick to it—last-minute changes can cause anxiety for kids.
2. Avoid Conflict
Nothing dampens the holiday spirit more than parents arguing about schedules, gifts, or travel plans. Even if communication is difficult, shield your children from conflict. They should never feel like they’re stuck in the middle or have to “choose” between parents.
Tip: Communicate directly with the other parent— DON’T use the child as a messenger.
3. Flexibility with Compassion
While structure is important, so is being flexible when needed. Sometimes a grandparent’s visit, a school event, or a special tradition may fall outside the regular schedule. Being willing to compromise for the benefit of the child shows emotional maturity—and teaches them the value of kindness and cooperation.
Tip: Think long-term. One generous gesture can go a long way in building trust and goodwill.
4. New Traditions, Not Competition
It’s natural to want to make holidays special—but avoid turning it into a competition of gifts or experiences. Instead, focus on creating meaningful memories with your child, whether it’s baking cookies, watching a holiday movie, or going for a winter walk.
Tip: Kids remember the feeling, not the price tag. Create joy, not pressure.
5. Listen to Your Children
If they’re old enough, involve them in the planning. Ask them what matters most about the holidays, what they enjoy, or what new traditions they’d like to try. Giving them a voice makes them feel respected and emotionally safe.
Tip: Just be mindful not to place the burden of decision-making on them—that’s still your job.
In the End…
The best holiday setup is one where children feel loved, safe, and at peace. Whether that means celebrating twice, alternating years, or even doing a portion of the day with each parent, what matters most is that your children feel secure in both homes and connected to both parents.
Holidays after divorce don’t have to be sad or chaotic—they can be different and beautiful. With cooperation, understanding, and a shared focus on the kids, they can still be magical.