It is possible to create a healthy coparenting relationship for the sake of your kids—but it may require some new thinking. Let’s explore some of the old ways of viewing things, along with the subtle mental shifts that can help you create a more effective coparenting relationship, starting with competition. In order to parent well together, you’ll need to stop competing with your ex—even in your mind.
Not sure what I’m talking about here? Let’s dig a little deeper …
Old mindset: “I’m the essential parent.”
It’s natural to be protective of your relationship with your children and the way you parent. However, when there are two of you actively involved in raising your kids, then there’s really no room for thinking one of you is better than the other.
New mindset: “Our children need both of us.”
Recognizing that you both have something of value to share with your children is an essential part of effective coparenting. In fact, there may be areas where your ex’s strengths complement your own weaknesses. For example, maybe you don’t have the patience to help your six-year-old build massive Lego sets, but your ex does. When you stop competing for who gets more time or who’s more fun, you give your kids permission to benefit from what your ex has to offer—and that’s a big first step toward collaborative coparenting.
Credit: Jennifer Wolf