One cannot control the actions and thoughts of another person – only their own. Although most people understand this on principle, the moment they discover their partner is cheating on them, they’re likely to have a massive emotional explosion. They feel hurt, betrayed, confused, and angry all at the same time. Their feelings are understandable and they deserve to be able to express themselves but once they have vented, and have had time to move on from the incident, it might be helpful to understand why people cheat in the first place. It may help offer a different perspective other than the one that claims all cheaters are evil incarnate and deserve eternal damnation. Well, maybe, in some cases they do.
1. They Have A Need To Feel Wanted
All human beings are social animals that have an innate desire for acceptance. In some cases, children may not have received the acceptance that they craved for from their parents or might have even faced some form of rejection in their childhood or adolescence. As a result of these experiences, it is likely that some of them might try to seek validation from their environment especially if they are not able to receive it from their partners. It would help them greatly if they can learn how to love and accept themselves first so that they don’t go around looking for it from the people around them.
2. They Are Unsatisfied In Relationships
People who are in unfulfilling relationships often go out seeking people with qualities different from their partners. For these people, it is easier to cheat than communicate to their partners. This might be due to the fact that past experience has taught them that their partners don’t respond well to any form of criticism even if it might be constructive. This is a very uncomfortable spot to be stuck in and it might help them if they could get professional help to figure out how to express themselves to their partners.
3. They May Want Highly Idealized Relationships
People sometimes chase behind the idea of a romanticized relationship where it’s rosy forever and where they don’t have to deal with any conflicts. They may want the passion without the discipline. They may enter a relationship only to find, in unfortunate frustration, that conflicts are unavoidable and are part of the deal. At this point of disillusionment, they have the choice of accepting the lifestyle that comes with being in a relationship or jumping off board. Some people can’t decide and end up cheating on their partner. These people need to understand that if they’re looking for a long term commitment, the honeymoon phase will end sooner or later and that their expectations just might be too unrealistic.
4. They May Be Selfish
Some people who cheat, may have the tendency to place themselves as a priority to the extent that nothing else matters as long as their needs are being met. People with this tendency, have probably faced severe difficulty adjusting to varied social situations and may not be able to make any meaningful emotional connections with the people they meet. They need to realize that their actions might hurt the people around them and that in a relationship, it is important to be considerate to their partners needs.
5. They Might Be Insensitive To Other People’s Feelings
Sometimes, people who cheat may do so because they lack the sensitivity to comprehend that their partners will be hurt by their actions. The way they perceive the world might be harsh and cynical and it’s possible they didn’t have a childhood environment that encourages emotional expression. These people might need to learn how to be vulnerable and open to their partners and learn to bring down the walls that they have built to save themselves from pain.
Often times the reason that people cheat is because they feel insecure about themselves. They might, for example, feel insecure if they perceive their partners to be more attractive than they are. They might think, “Oh, she/he can do so much better than me.” This insecurity might lower their self-esteem and cause them to look for validation from whoever gives it to them. People who feel this way, have to understand their insecurities and what might be the root cause behind them. The individual must then work on themselves so that the insecurities don’t interfere with the relationships that they build. Building a relationship based in trust is essential to help both parties have confidence in each other.