A Snapshot of the life of a Single Mother

Setting the scene:

I’m a single mum with a professional career, always having been the “breadwinner”, and often sole provider, constantly stressed, but not showing that to the outside world…to the outside world, I have it together…I never walk out the door without makeup on and looking the best that I can on a given day, because that is what gives me the strength to face the world.

7 months ago, I moved to a city 1200 or so kilometres from my son’s father, Jack, to take on a unique work role heading up the South African entity of an international company, which will ultimately mean a better life for my son, James.

James is 9 and attending a fantastic school just a few hundred metres from home. James is a bright young boy, and is really tall for his age, so people (including myself sometimes), expect him to be more mature than he is, because he appears so much older than his actual years.

Jack and I got married when I was 21 and were married for almost 14 years…now divorced for 2 years – despite a court order that he should be paying maintenance every month, I have had not 1 cent from Jack since our divorce, which really does make things rather tough.

Jack is meant to fly James to see him during school holidays, but the upcoming school holidays look doubtful – I can’t continue to be Jack’s financial safety net and unfortunately it is James who is going to bear the brunt of his father’s irresponsibility, I wish I could shelter James from the heart ache.

The working week and all that goes with it:

Aside from the daily routine of waking, getting myself dressed and ready, making sure that James gets dressed and ready and that he has everything that he needs for school on any given day…only to get home in the evening with barely sufficient time to ensure that James has a quick shower, finishes any homework that he has, has dinner and gets to bed on time, together with all the home admin that goes with running a household without help other than a cleaner one day a week mainly just to help with ironing and a good scrub of the bathrooms and floors…

2 weeks ago, whilst sitting in a really important work meeting, I had an email from James’ teacher to let me know that he had, very uncharacteristically, had a rather emotional outburst in class! It came to my attention later that day that a child in James’ class had innocently asked him something about his father. James was missing his father a lot that day and just had an all fall down, refusing to do any more school work and writing across his page over and over that he hated his school (which he actually rather enjoys).

Reading the email from James’ teacher was tough, he’s not a child that gets into trouble at school and always has comments on his report card of how respectful he is with adults. One naturally starts to question…did I do the right thing moving James so far from his father, am I doing enough to support him emotionally, or with his school work etc?

Truth be told, where we live now, we have far more of a support base than we did before. James has some aunts and uncles and cousins 45 mins away, and we see them at least once a month, I have a friend from varsity who lives close by and whose son is at the same school as James (albeit one grade ahead), and we have family friends who live up the road from us who I’ve known since I was around the same age as James. James also has an au pair who helps me a few days a week to fetch James, cook and make sure he gets things ready for the next day on days where I have to work a little later.

James’ teacher had said that she’d get the school psychologist to have a chat with him, which she duly did and James seemed to be ok with the time he had spent with her. I scaled back on my work at home so that I wasn’t working at home whilst James was still awake, making every effort to spend more time with him, being alive to his sensitivity at the moment.

On Monday this week, I was sitting doing James’ homework with him, and I grew increasingly upset at the sight of the phrase “I hate [his school name]” written over and over in every book I picked up. For starters… “hate” was never a word that I was allowed to use growing up, and I still don’t today, and it is one that we don’t use at home either. I made him erase every single one of those phrases, acknowledging that he felt emotional and that it is ok to express how he feels, but that it is really disrespectful to his school, his teacher, and me, to be writing such things all over his school work. The more I read the words, the more I began to sob…I don’t usually break down in front of James like that, or at all really, but I just felt totally gutted! He kept reaching for my arm to touch it in comfort and apologise…I had no words. All I could think about was does the end (our move here and the life we’ll be able to have here) justify the adjustment hardships that James is facing at the moment and it clearly does, but golly gosh is the transition hard.

Weekends:

Living where we do, allows James and I to do so many outdoor activities…we ride our mountain bikes in parks and nature reserves and other farmlands, we explore different beaches and do the park runs on a Saturday morning. Weekends are adventures, there’s so much for us to explore.

I love spending time with James, make no mistake, but bear in mind, that he’s an only child and I his only company at home…aside of course from his beautiful dog who is as gentle as he and as tall and gangly as he, but for the most part, I am James’ company…I haven’t had our tv connected for about 5 years now, though we do watch the odd dvd together. Mostly, if we’re not doing anything in particular, James is pretty good about entertaining himself with his lego, or drawing or something similar. During the week there is a routine, but over the weekends, we are each other’s only company…which leads me to my next point…

Dating:

Whilst I certainly don’t need a man in my life to lean on financially, I would like a partner in life to share life with…to come home to and share a glass of wine with over great conversation, or to be a sounding board, or just simply to hold me in his arms…

I essentially run a company…for some reason that seems threatening to many men…what many men don’t get though is that at work I HAVE to be in control all the time, at home I really don’t want to be! Even James, at his tender age, opens doors for me, which I honestly treasure…because being an equal partner in life, and being treated like a lady are things that are not, contrary to popular belief, mutually exclusive concepts!

Wanting to be treated like a lady, one has to remember to BE a lady! I wonder if men actually realise sometimes the admin that is involved in keeping oneself looking presentable! I don’t just mean the time that it takes to get dressed, do one’s hair and makeup for a date, but making sure that one is hairless where one should be, that one’s skin doesn’t feel like leather, one’s hair doesn’t look like it was dyed 2 years ago, ensuring that one’s feet don’t look like cracked, dry mud, and one’s hands are soft and manicured! All this whilst running a household with minimal outside help, taking care of one’s child’s needs 24/7 and running a business…

Admittedly, I have gone onto one or two dating apps, and wow, one certainly comes across an array of people! Being new to this town, I realised that being in my late 30’s, and a single mum I honestly didn’t know where else to actually meet anyone…of course I go to the gym, but honestly, I go to the gym to work off some frustration as well as to attempt to get fit, it certainly isn’t a place I’d remotely think of flirting with anyone, as it’s probably one place that I feel the most unattractive and try to draw as little attention to myself as humanly possible!

Mind games seriously are not my thing…if I message someone, it’s because I’m thinking of them and would love to hear from them too, not because I have some elaborate plot in the back of my mind…I loathe having to read and re-read messages before I send them for fear that they may be misinterpreted, or come across as too forward etc.

Some of the men that I’ve met up with over the last few months have been divorced fathers…men…when you meet up with someone that you have a good connection with and chat in the week etc, don’t go complete radio silence when you have your kids! I COMPLETELY understand wanting to spend quality time with your children, especially if you only have them every other weekend, and completely admire the fact that you’re putting technology aside to focus on your kids, but children go to sleep at some stage and I honestly don’t get how a man can’t just drop a one liner even…been busy with the kids all day, but was thinking of you and hope you had a great day! It really doesn’t take much!

Advice’s:

Men, I get that you have other pressures in your lives and that you don’t just have it easy either, but it would be nice for you to remember, that no matter how powerful a position a woman has in the business world, it takes an enormous amount of courage to step out of one’s comfort zone and put oneself out there to meet new people…so it goes back to the timeless adage of do to others as you would have done to you…

Ladies, there is so much more to you than the fact that you’re a mom…try not to be so hard on yourselves…remember to pamper yourselves now and then (even if it means you giving yourself a manicure) and put yourselves out there regardless, because as cynical as my article may seem, I do believe that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime…no matter which it is, embrace it, acknowledge it for what it is and look for the lesson in it for there is always something to be learnt from every relationship…romantic or not.

Credit: Anonymous

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    I want to pass along some very important news that everyone needs to hear!

    In December of 2017, Donald Trump made history by recognizing Jerusalem as the capital of Israel. Why is this big news? Because by this the Jewish people of Israel are now able to press forward in bringing about the Third Temple prophesied in the Bible.

    Jewish Rabbis have publicly announced that their Messiah will be revealed in the coming years who will be a leader and spiritual guide to all nations, gathering all religions under the worship of one God.

    Biblical prophecy tells us that this Jewish Messiah who will take the stage will be the antichrist “who opposes and exalts himself above all that is called God or that is worshiped, so that he sits as God in the temple of God, showing himself that he is God” (2 Thessalonians 2:4). For a time he will bring about a false peace, but “Therefore when you see the ‘abomination of desolation,’ spoken of by Daniel the prophet, standing in the holy place (Matthew 24:15)…then there will be great tribulation, such as has not been since the beginning of the world until this time, no, nor ever shall be” (Matthew 24:21).

    More importantly, the power that runs the world wants to put a RFID microchip in our body making us total slaves to them. This chip matches perfectly with the Mark of the Beast in the Bible, more specifically in Revelation 13:16-18:

    “He causes all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark on their right hand or on their foreheads, and that no one may buy or sell except one who has the mark or the name of the beast, or the number of his name.

    Here is wisdom. Let him who has understanding calculate the number of the beast, for it is the number of a man: His number is 666.”

    Referring to the last days, this could only be speaking of a cashless society, which we have yet to see, but are heading towards. Otherwise, we could still buy or sell without the mark amongst others if physical money was still currency. This Mark couldn’t be spiritual because the word references two different physical locations. If it was spiritual it would just say in the forehead. RFID microchip implant technology will be the future of a one world cashless society containing digital currency. It will be implanted in the right-hand or the forehead, and we cannot buy or sell without it. Revelation 13:11-18 tells us that a false prophet will arise on the world scene doing miracles before men, deceiving them to receive this Mark. Do not be deceived! We must grow strong in Jesus. AT ALL COSTS, DO NOT TAKE IT!

    “Then a third angel followed them, saying with a loud voice, “If anyone worships the beast and his image, and receives his mark on his forehead or on his hand, he himself shall also drink of the wine of the wrath of God, which is poured out full strength into the cup of His indignation. He shall be tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the holy angels and in the presence of the Lamb. And the smoke of their torment ascends forever and ever; and they have no rest day or night, who worship the beast and his image, and whoever receives the mark of his name” (Revelation 14:9-11).

    People have been saying the end is coming for many years, but we needed two key things. One, the Third Temple, and two, the technology for a cashless society to fulfill the prophecy of the Mark of the Beast.

    Visit http://WWW.BIBLEFREEDOM.COM to see proof for these things and why the Bible truly is the word of God!

    If you haven’t already, it is time to seek God with all your heart. Jesus loves you more than you could imagine. He wants to have a relationship with you and redeem you from your sins. Turn to Him and repent while there is still hope! This is forever…God bless!

    “EITHER HUMAN INTELLIGENCE ULTIMATELY OWES ITS ORIGIN TO MINDLESS MATTER OR THERE IS A CREATOR…” – JOHN LENNOX

    We all know God exists. Why? Because without Him, we couldn’t prove anything at all. Do we live our lives as if we cannot know anything? No. So why is God necessary? In order to know anything for certain, you would have to know everything, or have revelation from somebody who does. Who is capable of knowing everything? God. So to know anything, you would have to be God, or know God.

    A worldview without God cannot account for the uniformity and intelligibility of nature. And why is it that we can even reason that God is the best explanation for this if there is no God? We are given reason to know or reject God, but never to know that He does not exist.

    It has been calculated by Roger Penrose that the odds of the initial conditions for the big bang to produce the universe that we see to be a number so big, that we could put a zero on every particle in the universe, and even that would not be enough to use every zero. What are the odds that God created the universe? Odds are no such thing. Who of you would gamble your life on one coin flip?

    Is there evidence that the Bible is the truth? Yes. Did you know that the creation accounts listed in the book of Genesis are not only all correct, but are also in the correct chronological order? That the Bible doesn’t say the Earth was formed in six 24-hour days but rather six long but finite periods of time? That the Bible makes 10 times more creation claims than all major “holy” books combined with no contradictions, while these other books have errors in them? The Bible stood alone by concurring with the big bang saying, “In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth” (Genesis 1:1); and says our universe is expanding, thousands of years before scientists discovered these things. Watch a potential life-changing video on the website listed below with Astronomer(PhD) Hugh Ross explaining all these facts based on published scientific data. He has authored many books, backed even by atheist scientists.

    Jesus came to pay a debt that we could not; to be our legal justifier to reconcile us back to a Holy God; only if we are willing to receive Him: “For the wages of sin is death…” (Romans 6:23).

    God so loved the world that He gave us His only begotten son, so that whoever believes in Him, through faith, shall not perish, but have everlasting life. Jesus says if we wish to enter into life to keep the commands! The two greatest commands are to love God with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind; and your neighbor as yourself. All the law hang on these commands. We must be born of and lead by the Holy Spirit, to be called children of God, to inherit the kingdom. If we are willing to humble ourselves in prayer to Jesus, to confess and forsake our sins, He is willing to give the Holy Spirit to those who keep asking of Him; giving us a new heart, leading us into all truth!

    Jesus came to free us from the bondage of sin. The everlasting fire was prepared for the devil and his angels due to disobedience to God’s law. If we do the same, what makes us any different than the devil? Jesus says unless we repent, we shall perish. For sin is the transgression of the law. We must walk in the Spirit so we may not fulfill the lusts of the flesh, being hatred, fornication, drunkenness and the like. Whoever practices such things will not inherit the kingdom (Galatians 5:16-26). If we sin, we may come before Jesus to ask for forgiveness (1 John 2:1-2). Evil thoughts are not sins, but rather temptations. It is not until these thoughts conceive and give birth by our own desires that they become sin (James 1:12-15). When we sin, we become in the likeness of the devil’s image, for he who sins is of the devil (1 John 3:8); but if we obey Jesus, in the image of God. For without holiness, we shall not see the Lord (Hebrews 12:14).

    The oldest religion in the world is holiness through faith (James 1:27). What religion did Adam and Eve follow before the fall? Jesus, Who became the last Adam, what religion does He follow? Is He not holy? He never told us to follow the rituals and traditions of man but to take up our cross and follow Him (Luke 9:23). There are many false doctrines being taught leading people astray. This is why we need the Holy Spirit for discernment. Unlike religion, holiness cannot be created. It is given to us from above by the baptism of the Spirit. Jesus is more than a religion; He is about having a personal relationship with the Father. Start by reading the Gospel of Matthew, to hear the words of God, to know His character and commandments. Follow and obey Jesus, for He is the way, the truth, and the life!

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